Mastermom Speaks: How to Tame your Kid's Tantrums

How to Tame your Kid's Tantrums

20 Comments

Who is a parent here that does not experienced a child's tantrum at all? Well, if you are one of those less than 1% of the parenthood population, you might be a really lucky specie. It's like more than hitting the lotto jackpot 100x.

Me? I belong to the 99.9%. I am a working mom of a 6 year old boy, 4 year old girl, and 10- month old baby boy. Each and every one of them has a very special place in my heart. They have an independent mind and spirit. At a very young age, they already know what they want (or did they?). But just like any other child/siblings, they laugh out loud and cry out loud simultaneously. It is a given fact that they quarrel especially Gabo and Yani in every minute of everyday. Who's siblings don't? They quarrel over everything like on toys, food, tv program, attention, who should be first, who goes with mom and who goes with dad, playmates, bed, school materials, and yes even on their baby brother, Axxel. They have their own different ways of expressing what they want through tantrums. It's perfectly normal because they are just kids. I understand them and I need to because they are not just ordinary kids, they are my own children.

My three lovable angels

Kulitan time!

Because we only now have one helper, me and my husband divided the house chores and in taking care of our kids. For instance, Jun cooks our meals while I feed the kids. Jun helps Gabo in taking a bath while I'm the ones who bathe Yani and my helper to Axxel. Jun drives us to and from the office and washes the dishes, while I'm the one in charge of managing the kids when we are home. I am giving a little leeway to my husband since it is very hard to drive (especially this summer!) when your car is manual and does not have an aircon. I slept in our travel time to regain my strength for the upcoming battle at home. It is imperative that as a husband and wife, you two should talk, agree, and come up with terms especially those that concerns your kids and on how to manage your household or else you'll both lose your mind or worse, it will be a very big factor for divorce which by God's command, should not happen. I know that it will be very hard for a single mom or dad to do all such things, that is why I have a lot of respect to all single parents.

Coming home from work and a long drive to taking care of the kids is really a tough CHALLENGE. I am so exhausted physically and mentally. When I'm so pissed off, I lose my control and just spanked my kids (mahina lang naman) when they are too irrepressible. My hands already landed on their butt, or legs, or hands before I know it. But the questions are: Did I feel better after what I did? Hell NO! Of course I feel guilty about it. It is very embarrassing for me. Do my kids learn from spanking? Somewhat, yes, however the behavioral effect is different. Parents should teach by example and not by threat.

Knowing my case and my difficulty in handling the tantrums of my children pushed me to reflect and take note of what approach may have worked for this kind of situation.

I have come up of 5 ways and tips on how to tame my kid's tantrums and hopefully it could tame yours also. Some of these works and some of these, I still have to try out.

1. Remain calm and ask what's wrong

Tantrums attack when a child needs something. Tantrum does not necessarily means that a child needs to get his/her way from you. You must understand first the situation. How can you find a solution to the problem you still don't know. More likely, your child is frustrated or desperate over something. He or she is probably hungry, tired, sick, teething, or simply needs your attention. More often than not, they're just sleepy so a scheduled nap time is very advisable. There is no need to haggle with them, you just have to simply provide what they need.

2. Practice anger management

I should have a doctoral on this one. Like I said on my previous post, patience is not my strongest suit. However, you really need to control your temper when you are approaching your child. When I am so hot headed, I always ask Jun to replace me instead. He is more patient than me and that negotiating is one of his best skills. I will just come back if I can already hold myself together. Spanking and shouting at them will only make it worse and the fact that you have shown that to them as an adult only means that what you did is acceptable.

3. Ignore your child

This requires a lot of patience and fortitude. For me, this is the best approach when your child is in his/her peak of his/her tantrums. Sometimes, you just have to let them go and wait until your child calms. Give them space. When they are physically and emotionally tired, they will voluntarily stop and that will be the perfect time to talk to them. Whining on them will only prolong their restlessness.

4. Hugs and Kisses

Everybody wants to be loved. Your child needs to feel that they are loved, precious, valued and that your full attention is on them. Hugging them tight will make them feel secure that you will not let them down and that you care for them. Kissing them will make them realize that you still love them even if they have done something wrong. I always do this to my children. Assuring them that you are always there for them no matter what happened is already a heaven on earth for them.

5. Explain to the child the reason why what he/she does is unacceptable

This is a very vital post tantrum approach. When the child calms down, you need to explain to them that what they did is not right. Remember that it is NOT THE CHILD per se that is wrong BUT THE ACT that they have done.

How about you moms and dads? Can you also share your parenting style in dealing with your child's tantrums? I'd love to hear them.

About Mastermom Speaks

Hi! I'm Ma. Celin Mendoza but Celin will do. I'm a peace worker, youngest daughter, entrepreneur, contented wife, devoted and meticulous mom of 3 June's and a DIY addict!!! This blog will be your ultimate partner in crime when the going gets tough =) Want to do something interesting together? Shoot me an email to: macelinmendoza@gmail.com

20 comments:

ceemeeApril 15, 2015
I feel you! It's hard to control my temper especially with my kids, "Why don't they just listen???" But along with the kids, we parents are also learning and undergoing developments.
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AnonymousApril 15, 2015
Thanks for sharing! I also use the ignore approach when my kids are just making tantrums and whining over nothing. I talk to them after a while asking why they are whining when they are more calm then hug and kiss them to show my love and affection. Positive discipline as much as possible but when they hit, disobey or disrespect, we use our disipline stick on them but not at the height of our emotion. We talk to them first then after explaining what wrong they did, we do the spanking. Then we ask them to say sorry and embrace and kiss them again to assure of them of our love. It's really a challenge to discipline our kids.
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BarbieApril 15, 2015
nice post, celine :)
I will try to keep these in mind when my babies get bigger.
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Edel SanApril 15, 2015
My husband and I doesn't use the stick nor the ruler .. we just talked to our daughter in a calm manner whenever she did something wrong and simple let her conscience do the work. On the other hand, she's not really a difficult child to raise. In fact, now that she's 14, I feel that she's more mature and responsible than I am ...
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Mommy AnnaApril 16, 2015
If my Little Kulit had tantrums and I have to admit that there are times na ang hirap niya patigilin and nakakpikon minsan. My first step is to stay calm, breathe and talk to him nasunod naman.
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Vance M. RamosApril 16, 2015
I also had problems with kiddie tantrums to the point of sometimes losing my patience. But my Kyle had tested my patience a lot of times and thank God I was able to maintain my sanity. Hahaha....Thanks for the tips you've given. I might as well make use of them.
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ayeeeshaApril 16, 2015
I mastered the art of dedma, especially if they're crying for kaprichuhan lang. Haha! My kids are so good in throwing tantrums, they do it everywhere! I just remain calm as much as i can and wait for them to keep quiet. Mapapagod din naman sila! Haha
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fashioneggpplantApril 16, 2015
great tips mommy, thank you! :)
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kjrodApril 16, 2015
Though we are not on the same boat, I really feel you and this post is great. You have 3 kids, it's understandable that there are times that you might lose your patience. I only have one baby as of now, she's only 1 and a half, we have a household help, and I don't even work, but there are times that I feel like I'm losing my patience, and I get tired of chasing my little girl around the house, as I'm still the one who takes care of her most of the time, our helper is the one who does all the chores. My sister who has already 4 kids even said that my baby is too active and so kulit, far from any of her kids. So when I feel like I'm losing my patience, I would take a breather and let our household help take care of my baby, and good thing too that my husband loves taking care of his princess. I always feel guilty whenever I get mad.
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Joyful MessApril 17, 2015
I don't know anyone whose kids never threw a tantrum! My son is a late-bloomer when it comes to tantrum-throwing, though, and I'm still learning how to prolong my patience. Your tips are so helpful!
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Mommy LouApril 17, 2015
I love this: 3. Ignore your child. Parang na- realize ko, oo nga no, dapat minsan may ganoong moment, just ignore them...
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Nicole P.April 19, 2015
I agree with your stance 100%. I always do the ignore the child during the tantrums but explain after what went wrong, as I have seen the consequences to not doing this with my own spoiled pamangkin who gets anything and everything she wants when she did her tantrums.. :)
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Mommy Bloggers PhilippinesApril 20, 2015
I really can't comment as much when it comes to tantrums because my husband (yes, sya talaga kasi I am usually the giving in party) taught my kids since they were babies not to have one. They can only whine pag ako lang ang kasama nila, pero pag kasama si daddy, di pwede magreklamo hehe :-)
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PeachyApril 22, 2015
When my daughter was younger, she used to have tantrums but now she doesn't anymore. Thanks for the tips, sis.
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LouisaApril 23, 2015
These are things you will always have to revisit. When they're babies, they're toddlers up to their teens and adulthood. My kids don't throw tantrums but they are a different kind of challenge and requires all that you stated above.
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